If there is a so-called ‘kilabot ng kolehiyala’ (college heartrob), there is also a so-called ‘kilabot ng pre-school. And I, officially, am one of them. Eversince I started my bookstore duty I was able to interact with kids of our customers. You know, ask them their name, their age, what school they go to or even how many teeth they have. I even play Buzz Bee, the King of the Bees at the bookstore video player whenever there are kids around so that they’ll behave and leave their mommys and daddys to do the shopping.

Now I feel like the what my ex-boss-friend usually say that pre-school teachers are usually the first crush boys usually have.

Scene I.
Bookstore office’s door was opened and there was this cute little boy who was peeking.
Bijoiski: Hi
The boy smiled and run away. After a few minutes he was back still smiling.
Bijoiski: Hello.
The boy came in and stood infront of my workplace. He was looking at my ‘mini-creatures’ on my desk.
Bijoiski: Hello. Anong pangalan mo?
He ran away again. And after a few minutes he came back again with that smile. By this time, my supervisor and manager were already laughing really hard.
Bijoiski: Mamaya ka nalang bumalik nagwowork pa ko. Ito number ko. HAHAHA.
After a few minutes I went to the counter to help out and incidentally, his parents are already there paying for thier books. This same boy opened the door at the counter and went in. I was really laughing out loud thinking. “pambihira ang agressive naman.”

Scene 2
I was on a meeting with my 2 bosses yesterday at the Bookstore office. Since the door at the office was made of glass I was able to see those who passes by. There was this little boy, around 6 I guess, who stood outside of the door. I waved my hand. He ran away. After a few minutes he came back again. I smiled. He ran again. By this time his yaya was running after him. When he came back he was trying to open the door and his yaya was making him stop. he dropped his hands from the door knob and he kissed the door. How weird is that. Of course all this time my bosses are laughing and teasing me.

I will not mention anymore how little boys used to sit beside me on restaurants or making pa-cute at the malls. What’s with boys and ‘running away’ anyway? Darn. I do love kids. I really do. But not in a ‘romantic’ way. I don’t want to be put in jail beacuse of love life. HAHAHAHA. But yeah nevertheless, I still love kids. Pambihirang kamote. Wala ba kayong mga kuya?

In the midst of busyness I was again reminded that this small world is not my home. That the paper works on my table are temporary. That I should be wise in investing my time. I’m still amazed on how God sees things. When I thought its not/should not be over … He said, “it’s done.” When I thought that there are alot of things to look forward to and He said “not with him.”

Sadness and joy.
Confusion and peace.
Fear and hope.

I can’t comprehend how these feelings could co-exsist. My eyes are tired from crying. Not for him but for my lost…for our lost.

You will always be remembered Tito Bob.

Oh God it hurts so much.

“Hey girl happy birthday!” My ninang said. She hugged me tight and said, “Ano ka ba kumusta ka na, wala na akong alam sayo.” I smiled and replied. “Ako din po wala na akong alam sa sarili ko e.” She smiled back trying to understand what I just said.

Its not even about the birthday thing, but I’m reaaaallly, reaally sad these days. And I don’t even know why…or the other hand, maybe at the back of my mind I do.

“Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.”
Psalms 42:11

Last friday, my parents asked me if I’m free after office to watch the pyro olympics with them. I said yes. So there we were braving the traffic in EDSA just to watch this show. We looked for a place where we can be near the show without paying the entrance (hehehe) and ended up behind the restaurants near the dampa. The place have this stinking smell but then again there were lots of people waiting for the free show. After a few minutes i saw a red light going up into the sky and turned into a huge ball of twinkling lights. The show started. I stood there silently saying my oohhhhsss and aaahhhsss while watching the different colors up in the sky. The loud booms that turns the cars alarms. The fireworks were so facinating and beautiful that I almost forgot where I am at. Suddenly I can’t smell the stinking dampa anymore. Nor the people around me matter anymore. The children who were laughing and cheering became music to my ears.

A song came into my mind, “When i look into your holiness, when i gaze into your loveliness, when all things that surround become shadows in the light of You.” This simple experience taught me how my relationship with Jesus should be. That if/when I focus on Jesus, everything will be blurr and all I can see is His goodness, faithfulness, beauty and love.

It was really a beautiful experience for me, without paying 1,200 pesos. haha.

Another year just passed. Lots of lessons learned, things to forget…people to forget, moments to look back and things to look forward to.

Before the year ended I’m simply having this “moving-on” mode. I moved on to a new part-time home which is in Makati. I wanna move to a new job. Maybe a new church and get a new name. Yeah I’m thinking of moving to another country too. Maybe Dubai or Florida..wherever. And then my brain just gets too tired thinking how in the world i am gonna do that.

Yes, another year just passed and another year to come. This year I’m looking forward not only to where God will bring me but to how God will work to bring me there. Few months from now I’ll be turning 25 (yuck tanda ko na.) and lately, being with somebody is not a big deal anymore (compared to when I was 18). I’m just excited on what event I am gonna do next. Or who’s wedding will I coordinate.

Even I am in a middle of the so-called quarterlife crisis, little by little I’m learning to stretch my wings and fly without depending on anybody but God. I used to say “tomorrow I will be good.” or “tomorrow I could do this.” Now I humbly say, “bring it on!” God prepared me long enough for this. I guess that’s the reason for these countless projects that I have/had. I’m still afraid of some things (such as monsters) but then again, My God is sufficient for me.

Last year I wasted ALOT of opportunities to grow in my Christian life. This year, I look forward to more opportunities to trust God. Last year, I carelessly gamble the relationships that I have. This year, I’m looking forward to building or restoring more friendship/partnership. This year, I look forward to more creative-crazy ideas…less hesitations and fears (again except monsters. hahaha), more laughter…less drama, more humility and grace…less pride, more encouragement…less complains, more God-glorifying activities and more boys (hahaha!). As one pastor said…”this is the year of the Lord.” I say Amen.

Can you smell Christmas? Early sunsets, cold nights, christmas lights and trees everywhere. I love Christmas, not just because of the season or its traditions but because of the reason why we celebrate it. A friend of mine told me that suicide rate goes up during Christmas time. People without families, love life whatever gets depressed because they have no one to celebrate it with them. It saddens me that people got to feel that when this season is all about hope and love and peace.

I’m thankful to have family, friends and yes even my work that drives me crazy but keeps my feet on the ground. But hey this girl got wishes too.

here are my “not-so grown-up” Christmas list
1. Rest. Vacation and Spiritual Retreat. yeah i def. need this.
2. Arwen’s (remember Lord of the Rings?) necklace. Waaaaah. I’ve been eyeing this since kuya ruben showed me that brochure.
3. Visit CRIBS (the orphange that I go with Mae and play with the kids again.
4. A night-out with my APS. (over night kaya kayo samin?)
5. That freakin’ Starbucks planner. hehehe.
6. Learn how to drive. (Now this was in my wish list since last year. hahaha. sooo sad. My student’s drivers license will be expiring soon.)
7. A new chuck-tailor sneakers maybe this…

this…
this…

or this…

8. I’m done with teddy bears so maybe a cabbage patch kid who looks like angel…orrrr okay a carebear. hehehe.
9. Another photo shoot.
10. A bookshelf. Yes a bookshelf.
11. A new starbucks tumbler.
12. Rest and vacation to those who works on holidays (salesladies, callcenter agents, guards, policemen whoever you are.)
13. Did I mention vacation? hehe.
14. Freedom from debt! yeah baby.
15. Good health, peace, blessings, love and more years for you.