When I don’t desire God, I became dependent with the activities that last for a moment only to find myself at the end of the day incomplete, tired and depressed.

I was looking at the photos of a friend who recently got married. Suddenly, one of the tons memorable moments with Brianne (a very good friend and roommate back in college) came to mind.

Ivy: Basta ako gusto ko pag nagpropose sakin yung tatambling ako. 

Brianne: Pano pag hindi?

Ivy: Edi ulitin nya.

Brianne: Pano pag hindi parin?

Ivy: Bahala sya ulitin nya. Hindi ako ooo hanngang hindi perfect.

Brianne: Parang quiz lang no?

BWHAHAHA. Na-iyak ako sa katatawa. oh well, college days.

“How come you wrote the same old stuffs on your to-do list every year?” Ate Nez, a good friend of mine asked. I was showing her my Starbucks planners (which I used as scrapbooks.) Every year, since I graduated from college I got into this tradition of making “Before I get married or Before I die (which ever come first) To Do List.” “Well,” I said. “I wasn’t able to do it on the first year I decided to write it on my to do list so I just wrote it on the following year hoping I’ll be able to do it…you know.” I grab the planners from her and started reading the stuffs I wrote in 2005 and compared it on the stuffs I wrote in 2006. Learn how to drive, learn how to ice skates, wear more high-heeled shoes — less sneakers. etc. I smiled. Looking at the stuffs I wrote years ago should make me pre-occupied, but here I am again writing a whole new and not-so-new stuffs for 2008. Well maybe THIS year I’ll be able to more stuffs on my so-called to do list.

This will be a breakthrough year for me. I can feel it. It makes me excited and anxious at the same time. This year I will be a year older so I have to make more adult decisions. It worries me alot  that there’ll be a lot of changes for this comming year but just thinking about that excites me to knowing I’ll be going to places that I can’t survive without God.

This year, I will laugh and learn from my mistakes. I will spend more quality time with my friends and family. I will laugh at the tagalog sitcoms, at my dad’s and mom’s jokes and at the nonsense text jokes that Robert and Normi provide daily. I will giggle at the small stuffs and BWHAHAHA laugh at the biggers stuffs. I will cry until my eyes says enough. I will cry at the sitcoms and movies, cry when I feel tired or sad. I will not be afraid to feel again. No… not this year.

I will bravely take risks and stretch my limits. I will be patiently learn new things and achieve new goals. Meet more and new people. I will work myself to death (joke lang!) I will work harder than I did last year and this time I will work with excellence in mind. Knowing that God is looking at me and that He knows my capability. I will lessen my whinning and do what I can. I will not be afraid to make decisions on my own. With or without the approval of many. I do need the advice of older people and friends. I do! I do! But in the end, it is still my call. I will face whatever consequences  for whatever decision I make, on my own with God’s mercy and grace. This is not of arrogance but a reality that become so true to me just as I entered the so-called QLC (ask Riz!).

I will love like there is no tomorrow. My family, my friends and God. I will cherish my relatioships and try to give them my best. I will try my best to restore some broken friendships. I will invest on more friendships.  I will aspire for more intimate relationship with God. I will be devoted in my quiet time and Bible study and on giving tithes. I will spend more time with the Joy Club and look after their best interest. 

This year I will value money. I will save & invest. I will value cleanliness. (workplace? check. room? within this week. hehehe.). I will learn the art of household chores (hey this girl is growing up. yey me!) 

This year I may not be able to learn how to drive or to ice skates still. But this year, I will not be afraid to feel, forgive, make mistakes, get my heart broken, be alone, speak up, stand out, take responsibilities, be all out….live!

Because every year its my tradition to write my Christmas list.

Becase its never too late to write one.

And because somehow it gives me perspective on what I want and what I need.

1. Rest. Its been really stressful at the job lately because of the peak season. I haven’t slept well eversince december began. Waah I need this one badly.

2. DVD Marathon/ Junk Food Marathon. Like waking up late because I slept late due to Heroes and Grey’s Anatomy marathon. And what’s the bset companion when watching dvds? yeah JUNKFOOD. hehehe.

3. Coffee Date. With friends. yeees, you know who you are.

4. Plenty of SR (Spiritual Retreat.) Hay, I wanted to go to the prayer mountain so bad. Been awhile since I had my last Spiritual Retreat.

5. Polo Shirts. Plenty of them. Like Pink, Navy Blue, Black, Brown, Red. hahaha.

6. Idle time. You know when you are just wasting your time going around the mall not really buying anything but just the thought that you have plenty of time. Ganoon. hahah. Some might think this is wasting time…Exactly. But hey, unhurried time is not wasting time.

7. IMAX experience. I want! I want!

8. Time with the family. Since leaving the house and renting the appartment with my two girlfriends, I havent spend so much time with my family. I miss bulling my two brothres and even my dad. I miss long talks with my mom (yesss mature.)

9. Justice. There’s a robber at the appartment who took my uniform and today he/she took our batcha. Kamusta naman yun. Sana mahuli na sya.

10. Books. How to walk in high heels (the girly pink book — parang balka lang hahaha.) The Choice, The Wedding, True Believer by Nicolas Sparks. hehehe. I soooo love books.

11. Dress. Jeans. Shoes. Bags. Make -up —-and all the kikay stuffs.

12. Peace. Yup… the peace-be-with-you kind of peace. I’ve been on not-so-good terms with two of my officemates for quite sometime now. Pareho silang may kasalanan. Pero parepareho kaming mapapride. yan tuloy. Hay. Peace on earth should began at the workplace.

13. Lovelife. Bakit ba gusto ko na ng lablyf. hehehe.

14. The Company CDs. One of my favorite singing group.

15. Driving & Cooking lessons. yeeeessss.

At higit sa lahat. Maayos ang wordpress account ko. bow.

yey! new blog. I know. I’m known for transferring from one address to another. So here we go again unpacking my stuffs from blogger and moving were most of my friends are. yeyeyeye.

Twas raining really hard today. I soooo love it. Gudlak nalang pa-uwi.

…I realized that in times like these, you know, when the going gets tough. It’s better to drag your friend to the comfort room and talk non-stop until your okay rather not to talk at all. hehehe. I just can’t believe that everybody’s making a big deal about this. Grrr tlga.ooh well. If they love me this much, I guess i should be happy right?

frustrated. big time.